In all friendships there are bound to be disagreements. When friends disagree there may be more of a focus on winning rather than on resolving the issue. Working to resolve the disagreement will keep the friendship intact which is more important than “winning” or “being right”. In any difficult situation, if we follow these steps, it is possible to be supportive even if we disagree.
1. Listen. We need to listen to the other person’s opinions and perspective without judgement. This means we have to be willing to let go of wanting our own opinions and perspectives to be agreed with so we can really hear what our friend is saying.
2. Remain calm. When we are involved in a disagreement, it is very important to remain calm and keep our tone and language relaxed and open. It is not helpful when one person becomes angry, uses foul language, closes down emotionally, or leaves the room. If this happens, let some time pass and approach your friend when they are calm.
3. Identify the problem and let your friend know you would like to work it out together.
4. Compromise. Talk about the possibility of compromising as a way to settle the disagreement.
5. Collaborate. Ask your friend if he or she is willing to focus on how to reach understanding by working together to find a new way of attaining a solution that works for both of you. Be on the same side.
6. Keep your perspective. Ask yourself whether it is worth it to lose a friendship because of a disagreement.
7. Stay in the present. While working out a disagreement, it is not helpful to bring up things that happened in the past. Keep the conversation on the present issue.
8. Agree to disagree. State explicitly that you disagree with your friend’s perspective but you value the friendship too much to allow the disagreement to come between you.
9. Let your friend know you have heard what they have said by repeating what you heard. If your friend said something else, listen closely to the restatement and repeat it again.
10. Let your friend know that you support his or her perspective by getting in touch with how it might feel to be in their situation and telling them you understand what that feeling must be like. Even when we disagree with someone we can be sensitive to the feelings that underlie the circumstances.
Tags: friendship advice, online friendship