friendship advice

How To Lighten Up Your Sad Friend

Everybody feels sad from time to time and if you find yourself feeling the blues and you want to have a friend nearby, you can always call on them. On the other hand, what happens if your friend calls you and is feeling all blue. What do you do? Here are ways on how you can get them back smiling again.

Listen to them. People with the blues are often just feeling the need to be heard. So, listen intently to what they say and do nothing else. Your friend will surely appreciate you for being the shoulder she can cry on.

Once you are done listening, you can either offer an advice or you can remain silent and let her feel everything and let it all out by crying. As a friend you might feel obliged to give her an advice but if you have no idea how to, just remain silent and be there for her.

Remember the time when you were given a gift that even if you already know what is inside the box you are still happy you were given one? Take the time to send your friend a gift and see that sob face light up again.

Now that you are able to listen to their problem, give proper advice, and have given a token of gratitude. Try to take their mind off from that memory by keeping her busy but be mindful about how she would feel.

In order for you to be able to help your friend in need, don’t be sad yourself. How are you supposed to help your friend when you are also hitting the blues.

A hug can make a difference in the world. It makes you feel warm and special. A hug keeps you safe from the harsh world even for just a second that feeling is priceless. So, give your friend a hug when she needs it the most. Read the rest of this entry »

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The Strength of a Woven Strand: Some Thoughts and Advice on Friendship

What is it that makes your friends, well, friends? How does a person go from being an acquaintance to being called a friend? When does a person stop being a co-worker and start to be called a friend? And even more mysteriously, what is that strange creature, the “best friend”? What is it about friendship that makes it so beneficial to our existence?

There are three things that make friends different from the people we come into contact with every day. Some of them we may very well be civil, jovial, or even- yes- friendly with. But these three characteristics of friendship make it a significantly different beast. For the sake of being memorable, let’s use the letter C for each of them. They are Commonality, Confession, and Corrosion.

The simplest aspect of the friend relationship is Commonality of experiences. We’ve simply been through many events with these people and these shared memories help us to understand each other. The weight of the amount of shared memories sometimes can constitute a relationship. People you went to elementary school and are still in contact with are often friends like these. You may not be the closest of friends, but those shared experiences make strong glue that makes people hard to separate. You might have sudden moments with new friends that can draw you into deep friendship quickly. Some could simply be deep understanding, while others might be traumatic events. But nothing can replace time.

This is true of long running relationships like childhood friends, of course. But it also helps us to understand friendship of all kinds. That’s why it’s so hard to maintain friendships when friends move far away. With work, it is indeed possible to remain close friends, but that effort is precisely the effort involved in continuing to establish commonality through letters, pictures, or what have you.

The second aspect of friendship seems in some ways less pleasant, but in truth it is what glues friendships together. The difference between the friendships of time that don’t run very deep and true, loving, and powerful friendship is the aspect of Confession. That may sound religious, and that is exactly what we would expect from any true religion, isn’t it? Friendship? Read the rest of this entry »

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Friends Cry to Friends

It’s a simple message sometimes tragically forgotten.

The last time a friend came to cry on my shoulder, I felt honored and realized it was a blessing to be able to provide comfort. When I went to my cousin with my own worries and tears, she told me that it made her feel like I “trusted her, valued her advice, and felt close to her.” It is a testament of friendship when a friend comes to you with their problems. Some forget that it is also a testament of friendship when we go to a friend with our problems.

I don’t want to be a complainer and dump my problems on my friends, though. Why not?

Because I don’t want to assume that they have time to listen to me moan and groan. This is your friend you’re talking about, right? When was the last time a friend called you crying and you were thinking “Jeez would this person shut up so I can get back to my movie?” If you wouldn’t do that to a friend in need, what makes you think that when you’re in need a friend would do that to you?

I don’t want to be a “Debbie downer” and just be miserable all the time, though. Remember that to hide the sad moments and only show the good moments isn’t too far from being pretentious: trying to keep friends by misrepresenting the real you. People respect people who stay true to themselves. And why apologize for being your self? If you feel the need to do that, there might be a bigger issue.

If you’re still reluctant to share your miseries with a friend, just keep the following in mind and you can’t go wrong:

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